the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
