grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
