If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize