I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
