He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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