ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
