??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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