no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize