i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
