My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
