At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
