seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
