I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
