Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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