I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
