She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
