I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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