I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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