respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
