My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize