As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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