I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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