are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
one might say we're banned from that church
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
