Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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