I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
