break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
