Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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