and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
