i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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