Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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