Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
