If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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