She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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