I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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