And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
