he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
