I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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