What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize