My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
