OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize