I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Enjoy the penises
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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