I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
