You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize