It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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