Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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