DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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