You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
