I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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