I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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