I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
