So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
