meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
