i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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