On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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