Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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