Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
