his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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