watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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