Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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