Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize