You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
