I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your dad touched me again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
