it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We need to get me chipped asap
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize