So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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