you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
