Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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