you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
