hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is Oprah even human
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
