I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
