apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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