I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
