i don't like sucking hair
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize