I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
