I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
