its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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