i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
