He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
