We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
