On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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